The Trolls and Hypocrisy of ACA

I had the grave misfortune of following a psychologist’s advice and attending the twelve-step program of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), beginning in July of 2025 but more consistently in Aug/Sep 2025. The main reason I remember being that it creates new neural pathways. Maybe there were others.

A few months before starting that program my phone was hacked working at Blue Origin - it’s hard to remember exactly when, maybe end of March or early April 2025. The phone was hot as a piece of coal on fire all the time, needed constant charging, and my coworker who worked in IT was repeating my private texts back to me verbatim (it was a fairly new phone). There were other signs, but not the point. I had already been surveilled and followed some. The trolling was just beginning or becoming obvious.

I was in denial the hacking and surveillance was real as I didn’t want to believe it. It made me feel mentally unhealthy to think that it could be real, so I felt stronger in denial. I didn’t really have much to hide (what I preferred to keep private, I’ve already shared in these posts). And I’m a nobody who is a homebody (and prefer a life that way). Why would anyone want to follow my life I thought. I later learned why - it’s because people can spin lies out of the most innocent comments that in actuality don’t support the lie at all. But when one party or person has more power, they will be believed over the truth.

ACA can be a great resource for many. Very positive outline of how to heal and how to think and approach life. More importantly, it provides a framework and tools for self-reflection and exploration. Much of the concepts can be found in other types of literature and sources, but ACA packages and presents the information in a specific way that some may find preferrable and most helpful. The organization is not without its critics, but few things are.

Next to the organization’s literature are the 12-step online or in-person meetings. I attended online meetings as I’m not a huge fan of driving and I lived in a congested city I didn’t know very well.

As I started the meetings, my life began to unfold in the shares (stories) of others. Someone’s share would be to a tee exactly what I did that day (where I had gone, what I bought, what I had texted). Another person’s share would be an exact story of my personal and private life. Perhaps the most disgusting evidence was having an attendee share verbatim a story my friend had just told me over the phone that day, using the exact same slang accent unique to my friend. How do I know this instead of me sounding crazy? A lot of ways.

The first being that I attended for roughly 5 months everyday collecting shares/stories and observations, sometimes twice a day. I would get absolutely sick to my stomach before each meeting but needed to know what stalkers, trollers, and those surveilling my life knew about me.

It’s worth noting here that I suspect there were two ways in which my life was being followed - 1) by my family, and 2) by those stalking/trolling me. I believe the two separate groups had different intentions, good versus bad - there was a distinction in the types of stories shared, the information shared, and how it was shared. What I don’t know is whether the private or criminal investigation was on my family’s side, the trolling side, or both. (No one will speak directly to me, so I’m stuck filling in the gaps of what has been first-hand heard and observed.)

I’d say about a third or half of the shares that were mirror image of my life were done in the most mocking, condescending, hateful tone one could muster. Those I have to suspect were the stalkers/trollers/haters - the Blue Origin crowd for lack of the most accurate way to put it. The people who turned me smoking a little doobie at home and using the bathroom often at work, into me being a raging, lunatic addict with an intolerable and dysfunctional personality.

Another chunk of the shares was, for example, unique feedback on me as a coworker/employee from prior coworkers. I know this because I had collected the feedback and already knew it - so I knew it was my life reflecting back at me. Or for example, it was unique feedback my ex-boyfriend gave me on one pain point of our relationship - this discussion he and I had was one-on-one over the phone years ago. I can’t be sure, but I suspect somehow these may be shares from people not trolling me. They weren’t communicated in a mocking/hateful manner, but again any part of your private life repeated back to you in a less than anonymous setting is horrifyingly disturbing no matter how it’s done. It’s not okay to play with someone’s mind, no matter what lies are believed about them.

There is no cross talk in ACA - meaning after a person shares, another person cannot comment on or respond to that person’s share. In one meeting, I could tell a share was a hateful criticism of me, my personality, and prior actions. So, I indirectly cross talked back at the person. Immediately after, the person shared again and cross talked back at me - this is how I knew and collected the best evidence, proof if you will, that my privacy had been invaded, my life judged, mocked, and ridiculed, and my 12-step program sabotaged in the most hateful of ways.

The most disappointing part was that regular attendees - not just random people that would drop in to troll and harass - but regular attendees, would share the most mocking, hateful reflection of my private life back at me - this is how I knew the stalkers/trollers/Blue Origin-people-of-the-world were spreading lies and hate about me to different organizations and communities. The hate I faced at times in the program by regulars was just sad.

This is how I know that I don’t really have any part of my character that needs improving. There is no way in hell I would ever harm or sabotage another person’s recovery process to becoming a better, more secure, peaceful and healthy human being. There is also no way I would ever judge another so harshly as to mock and hate their life back at them through a 12-step recovery program. Sadly, this program teaches non-judgement. From what I observed, many were not learning.

I knew ACA wasn’t for me. I knew, outside of substance use, my character is by far no worse and no better than every average person out there. And other than healing past trauma and reframing my reactions to be rooted in present moments, there was not a damn thing about my character that needed changing or improving. Not. A. Damn. Thing.

For those 5 months of ACA I would wake up in night terrors, drenched in sweat, cycling through PTSD. While I was investigating what was happening to my life behind my back through attending miserable ACA meetings, my friends were stabbing me in the back by going dark on me, by repeating my private conversations back to me, and my family turning on me by mocking and harassing me the same way as those from Blue Origin.

I do believe some part of what was happening through ACA was not all done by the stalkers/trollers. I do believe some person or part of the family was trying to do good by interfering - albeit, given the destruction the stalkers/trollers were doing to my life - the good intention was dragged down to the hateful hell created by those trolling.

I left a job in July 2025, in which all my work assignments had been taken away in January 2025, little to no instruction or direction provided as goals to achieve, or items of priority on which to focus. I left the job because I had started getting harassed, bullied, and my work sabotaged. I left a job to take a break, to attend ACA, to stop smoking, and to figure some things out. I had no idea trolling, privacy invasion in my own home, lies and sabotage would ruin my entire life, would ruin every relationship I had, and would ruin my ability to find work. I literally just left a job and started attending ACA. That’s it.

Yes, I ended my relationships. But how fucking cruel, untrusting, belittling, unhealthy, and empty they had all become. I know I deserve better than that. None of you think so.

But life isn’t about what we deserve. Otherwise, amazing people wouldn’t suffer from cancer, have their homes and communities blown up in air strikes, or suffer physically debilitating accidents. Here, life is about the hate, destruction, and people who trolled and turned what they didn’t know into made up stories and lies that were spread to the general public, communities, and my friends and my family.

To those friends and family that ate up the lies, and returned disrespect, hate, belittlement, and mind games - my Aunt Nelda, my cousin Ben, my former boss Bill, my former friends Nate, Tim, Dawn, Jonathan, Orlando - I’m stuck wondering how I can ever find gratitude in learning how insignificant and meaningless our relationships really were.